I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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