chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
