4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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