was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
