I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
the liver wants what the liver wants
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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