Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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