So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize