Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
