Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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