She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
