I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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