boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize