just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
