Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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