She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
