My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
