dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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