I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
