I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
