Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
