If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
