I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
