I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
