One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
