You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
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She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
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I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize