Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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