I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
