I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
