So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
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i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
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You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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