it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
