I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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