she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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