super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
