I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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