It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
