Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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