Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
