The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I want to be your penis for a week.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
