You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
