Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
