Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
