Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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