There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
PANTIES FOUND
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