I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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