"it" just moved
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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