I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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