Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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