So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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