there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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