It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
