my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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