Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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