you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
