Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize