hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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