The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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