bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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