we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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