I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
