My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i think my mom watched the whole time
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
